


Lover Is A Day

by Storyflight



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Crying, Depression, Do I even need to explain at this point?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Gen, Heavy Angst, I might change the title but whatever just take it I guess, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Present Tense, Rain, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, You know the series so you know the drill, vent - Freeform, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 10:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21160127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyflight/pseuds/Storyflight
Summary: Time changed,We're different,But my mind still says redundant things,Can I not think?Will you love this part of me?My lover is a day I can't forget





	Lover Is A Day

October,

358am

Rantaro lifts their head, another sleepless night with the fear of nightmares returning and poisoning their mind. It's not as bad as a month or two ago, but still prominent and annoying. Now, Rantaro enjoys not sleeping at night and resting throughout the day. They're not working, they're not travelling, so it's fine.

Shuichi is still asleep. They will leave their boyfriend be and get out of bed. Going back to sleep is a bad idea, they need to keep themselves busy or else the thoughts will return.

_ Why won't it go away?  _ Rantaro aggressively washes their face and brushes their teeth, it feels like they’re about to start a new day.  _ As each day goes by, I only become worse and worse. _

Rantaro, at a time like this, will start crying over the same damn thing. The sky decided to take that task for them, sobbing heard from outside of their house and falling heavily. This may be another reason their mood is worse than typical days, weathers and seasons take a toll on their emotions more than most. It’s a shame, they love winter and unable to fully appreciate it without feeling dread daily.

They head to their front door and picks up the Umbrella next to their shoes. It's weird, many moments they want to stay in the house forever and others they want to run away from everything.  _ Why...Why do I have to keep going on like this? _

It 4 am, or 403 if they want to be specific. The sky is pitch black with sombre clouds covering from above. Rain's heavy, it will be raining for the rest of the night and possibly until morning. There's no lightning, thunder, or harsh winds. It's all straightforward and  _ normal. _

They lock the door and refuses to look back. Rantaro has no reason to message Shuichi that they walked out for a bit. They've done this before, it  _ normal  _ like the rain falling from the sky.

It's become the norm, feeling unhappy and unable to enjoy life. Having Shuichi trying to comfort them every day after having a bad panic. Refusing to talk to their friends with the fear of being a burden to everyone. It's all normal for Rantaro now. Not travelling every other day, playfully messing with their boyfriend, or having a fun night out with Miu...no, that means nothing. It’s good while it happens, then back to square one 

They look out to the street, rumbling echoes under the heavy rain. A car zooms past them splashes water on their ankles. Their sweatpants and shoes are drenched and muddy, oh well.

The sudden thought of running into the street sounds like a smart idea. It's dark outside, seeing their body would be diresome and if it's the speed as the previous car, they could die instantly. Rantaro's eyebrows lower in thought, should they do it? Should they wait for another car to come by and run in the middle of the street?

They shake their head with bits of water flying out of their hair. That is a stupid idea. The dying part is not stupid, that's the best idea they've had all year. If they ran into a stranger's car, the blackened would feel guilt for the rest of their life. If Rantaro wants to succeed in that mission, they would have to do it themselves. Sitting inside a car and suffer from carbon monoxide poisoning is a better idea, it's only them and them alone trying to leave this world.

Rantaro takes out their phone reluctantly. Despite having these thoughts and desiring the outcome, the thought of dying makes their skin crawl. They lean against the wall and scrolled through some random social media app. It took a solid three minutes to realise they are looking through Instagram.

Miu and Kaede are currently in the states, Florida, to have an anniversary at their parks. There's a set of photos of the couple with the brightest smiles, silly stickers and filters, and a gorgeous sunset in the last one. They're so happy, Miu and Kaede had a rough start at the beginning of their relationship and now they're having the time of their lives. Kaede loves the gorgeous girl genius more than her passion for piano, and Miu finds Kaede to be the greatest invention the world's ever created.

Sonia and Peko came next. Their baby is so cute. She had Peko's grey hair and Sonia's curious eyes. Florence Nevermind is growing fast and recently began to walk, Peko was in tears when that happened according to Sonia. Sure, many do not have kids in their early twenties because of several anxieties about being a parent, but they seemed to brush it off and be amazing Mothers. The last photo had Mikan and Florence playing with a toy train.

Kaito loves taking candid photos of Maki, then the last photo in the set would be her tackling him to the ground in her own "Harumaki" way. Kirumi and Kokichi went to Paris together. The maid had a job there and Kokichi tagged along for the ride. Surprisingly, it looks like it's going well.

Chiaki had a gaming tournament, Nagito and Hajime were their biggest fans through the whole battle and they won. Korekiyo and Gonta are making plans for opening a museum. Kazuichi opened his repair shop with great results.

All in all, everyone's happy.

...

But Rantaro is not happy.

They cannot grasp it. Miu's parents died when she was four, Peko doesn't know her biological parents, Sonia had family troubles in her kingdom when she stated that she was not interested in marrying a prince, Kirumi cut her parents off two months ago, Kokichi and Maki grew up in an orphanage, Kaito's grandfather died a year ago...

How are they able to move on and Rantaro could not? Why is Rantaro the one who is facing the same feelings from almost six months ago? It is entirely unfair...it makes no sense...it’s so exhausting!

Feeling like this makes them so tired,

They cannot do anything,

Is there a point to do anything at all?

Another car drives by them. As much as they wanted to step forward and wait for another car, they couldn't, not now.

"Rantaro!"

The voice startles them. A shorter figure runs to them, carrying a small umbrella of their own and wearing a comfortable pink hoodie. Ah, it's Rantaro's hoodie.

"Hey, Shuichi"

"...How long have you been here?"

"...I don't know...maybe for thirty minutes?” They answer dryly, "But it's nothing just...same shit, different day...I guess"

Shuichi's gaze softens. "You weren't...trying to do anything that would hurt yourself, were you?"

"No" They lie, "I needed to leave the house"

Shuichi reaches out. "Would you like to talk-"

"No"

The detective retreats his hand away. Rantaro looks away from their boyfriend and bites down on their tongue.

"Rantaro...?"

"Why am I still like this, Shuichi?"

"What do you mean by that?" Shuichi twirls his umbrella, "Your question is a little confusing..."

Rantaro holds the phone close to their chest. "Shuichi, it’s been almost six months, why am I not okay?”

Shuichi didn’t speak. The rain continues to fall, harder and faster than half an hour ago. The bottom of Rantaro’s sweatpants turned black from the water settling on the ground. Their shoes particularly drowned from the makeshift lake forming under them. The sky cannot stop crying, it only grows worse each moment.

Rantaro can relate.

“Why am I not okay?” They repeat, “I don’t understand”

“Rantaro, you know you cannot recover from your trauma in a couple of months. It’s different for everyone, you should know that better than everyone else”

“Oh really?” Built-up frustration burns their chest, “How come Miu can be happy when she has  _ no  _ parents?! Sonia’s parents disapproved Peko, but she’s married with a family! Korekiyo had a rough childhood, Kirumi’s parents are nonexistent, Maki and Kokichi never had parents! Then...there’s you…”

“What about me?” Shuichi’s shoulders tense up in fear, hands gripping to his umbrella tightly and leaning towards Rantaro. “Why are you comparing yourself to everyone else? You’re Rantaro, not Miu or Sonia or—“

“I’m not finished” they hiss. Shuichi raised his head and gives them a look of disgust.

“I’m sorry?!”

“You heard me. Your family keeps saying your ‘lifestyle’ is wrong and confusing. They disrespect you. And yet here you are, happy! Okay! You can tolerate it! Then there’s me, I have a great family, amazing sisters, an amazing boyfriend, I’m  _ rich!  _ I have a  _ good  _ life, great, even! Not perfect, but it’s close! Then why do I want to end it?! All because my damn Mother died!”

“Rantaro—“

“It’s unfair!” They cry out. Tears fell just like the rain from the sky. The  _ norm  _ returns, shaking with the inability to complete proper sentences. Rantaro throws their umbrella behind them. “I’m so fucking selfish! So many people have it out there have it worse! I could be homeless, sick, injured, but no! I’m not! Yet here I am, feeling like this!! I’m a terrible person for not being grateful for everything! I’m weak! How can a damn twenty-one-year-old not handle death?! I’m TWENTY-ONE! I’m a grown adult! An adult should move on from situations almost half a year ago. My sisters can do it, so why can’t I?!” 

“Do you ever listen to yourself when you go on tangents like this? So what if you’re an adult?! Your experiences are relative, not everyone goes through the same processes of grief and such. It was hard for your family, Nakano was very important to all of them”

“I don’t see any of them having to take medication. I don’t see them avoiding saying her name or Urn. I don’t see them looking like...me!”

“You...You just can’t assume that! You’ve been through a lot and need to stop talking about this...you know it triggers you”

“EXACTLY! Everything triggers me!” Rantaro stretches out their arms and ignores the rain crashing on top of them. “Did you know one time I ordered food and started crying when I was done? Because oh boy, feeding myself reminds me of my mother!”

“Ra—“

“Face it, love” The adventure shakes out the rain in their hair. Shuichi’s body language changes from a concerned look to an angry scowl. This conversation is going nowhere. Rantaro wishes to not talk to Shuichi about this, to anyone, ever. “I’m  _ never  _ going to get better, face it. After that, you will leave me for someone that isn’t a weigh on your life. Everyone will leave me at one point, it’s better off that way”

Shuichi opens his mouth to speak. The sound of rain and turning away from the detective makes it almost inaudible to Rantaro. Good, that’s what they need. A drowned out  _ “where the hell are you going?”  _ is heard. In which, Rantaro replies, “Away”

“Don’t come looking for me”


End file.
